ITS NOT A JOKE!!!!!!
Jun 2, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RK6VfJqIlDs

[Music]
hey you guys and welcome to Sunday I
don't know why I always say welcome to
Sunday or welcome to whatever day but I
guess that's just the way I opened my
vlogs anyways I am sitting here at the
park slash school whatever you want to
call it just having some time for myself
I got up early this morning and was
working on some cups and got all the way
to the part where I had to stop because
I didn't have like it got I have to let
him dry so I didn't have anything else
to do and I had been with the kids early
this morning and all he got to sleep in
so I was like well you know I think I'm
gonna take a little bit of time and just
kind of go and chillax and let my let my
hair down not really but you know just
sit and relax and just have time to
think and ponder about things and see
what is on my agenda of my new direction
mmm you know I was watching a vlog the
other day and I'm gonna say this clearly
I you know I've learned my lesson on
bringing other people's channel into my
channel mentioning channels things like
that and so people so many people said
you know Amy just stay in your own lane
don't talk about other people you know
because it just brings so much more into
your channel you don't want to bring in
and I get that I do and I fully respect
all of that but you know I was watching
this video the other day and it's about
a youtuber that you know they've
struggled with you know they're eating
they're eating journey wanting to lose
weight but just can't seem to get the
grip of it and
I've watched this person for quite a
while and I you know at some points I
can say that I had you know I had seen
myself in this person in this sense that
you know like for me I want something so
bad I I desire something so bad but yet
I can't seem to get the wand that I need
to get to that finish line of where I
want to finish up and when I say when I
you know the the wand to get to the
finish line is start you know sir seeing
the healthy living that I've been able
to work on and you know go and do the
traveling that I want to do and take my
family places and you know do things
that I have never thought that I could
do because I've always been big and
never had the confidence that I could
ever get to a point in my life where I
would be capable hence I want to go on a
hot-air balloon that is one of my dreams
that I want to go on a hot-air balloon
I would love to do like a rock climbing
thing go hiking I mean there's so many
things on my bucket wishlist and why I
say my bucket wishlist is because I
never thought that those things would
ever ever ever be something that I can
do I never had the never had the
confidence that I would ever reach that
so anyways as I was watching this
youtuber and I've been watching this
youtuber and you know I was diagnosed a
year and a half ago oh no no no I mean
yeah about a year and a half ago I was
diagnosed with binge eating and my
therapist asked me one day what has been
cheating to you and I said well to me
binge eating is when you eat in secret
when you eat to the point where there's
no return you don't have the ability to
stop you eat till you're in absolute
pain you have that guiltiness because
you know you're doing something that you
shouldn't be doing and
binge eating to me is also having the
desire to want to change but not having
the tools just yet to change so I hear a
lot of times people throw around the
word binge disorder binge eating
disorder and I you know I kind of take
it offensively because with me binge
eating is such a serious issue and
people can say well binge eating is you
know basically a fat person that likes
to eat it's really not about not being
able to you know it's not anything other
than a fat person wanting to eat and I
could see that being as totally I can
see that being something that someone
would think but to me someone that does
struggle with the binge eating disorder
it's so much different and it's on such
a different level
but I you would never ever ever see me
sitting here doing a mukbang with my
camera videotaping myself laughing and
enjoying and embracing that situation in
that moment in that experience and
posting it out there for all to see
binge eating is something that you are
ashamed of binge eating is something
that you want so bad to not have and
when I've done binge eating
it's a sad time it's a sad moment just
like when you do heroin okay you're not
going to go and videotape yourself doing
heroin and what you do afterwards and
the you know the actions that your body
takes and stuff and you put it out there
for the world to see because you're so
proud about it and then say I have a
drug addiction like it's not you don't
wear it as a badge and be like I got an
eating disorder or I got a drug disorder
you know it's something you keep
personal because you're ashamed of it
and I feel like the binge eating
disorder word gets thrown around so
easily almost like I love you word gets
thrown around so easily and with no
filling there and it breaks my heart
because here is somebody mean I've thank
God with my therapy and with my nutri
nutritionist I have gained tools to
start working on that disability that I
that I do have am i perfect absolutely
not do I have moments that I binge far
and in between now as I did before
before when I before I started therapy
before I started anything mm-hmm I was
been gene at least two to three times a
week and when I say been gene it was
something I did in secret I didn't do it
with my husband sitting around I didn't
do it with my children sitting around I
did it in private
I did it secretly because it's something
again that I'm not proud of and you
daren't proud when you have a disorder
you're not proud of it and I just find
it so offensive when I keep hearing
certain youtubers using the word binge
eating but then yet they go and they
post these videos of themselves eating
and laughing and you know taking it so
lightly but then saying why have a binge
eating so the ones that do suffer from
the binge eating disorder they get
looked on like well you're just like
everybody else you know
you say you how this binge eating
disorder you know but in reality you're
just a fat person that likes to eat
you're this you're that because that's
what people keep seeing is these big
people doing Mun things and then saying
well I struggled from binge eating no
you don't I'm sorry to say it but no you
don't you struggle from enjoying food
you enjoy eating food so you will gorge
yourself there's a difference you gorge
and you enjoy that I'm sorry but you
enjoy the the entertainment that you're
giving you enjoy what you're doing call
it as you want but that's what I see is
that you enjoy it but then there comes a
time where your body gets sick of it so
then it's time to revamp and say hmmm
how can I get out of the sticky
situation that I've now put myself in
because I've posted it all out there for
people that I'm doing mukbangs and I'm
you know I'm doing this and I'm doing
that and on and on but now you're tired
of it for a little bit so now it's time
to say well I deal with a binge eating
disorder that's why I do what I do this
is why I act the way I act no no no you
don't know you don't you are enjoying
every ounce of what you do but it's sad
because then you're basically putting
someone like me that truly desires to
change and doesn't want to have a binge
eating disorder it doesn't want to be
labeled as that and wants to have the
tools to change and wants to make the
the word you are labeled a binge eater I
want those people that know that that
really struggle with binge eating to
know that they're not alone but when
they look
and they watch these videos of these
people that are muck banging and muck
banging and muck banging and mopping and
they're just doing it over and over and
over and then when they're tired of that
trail then they've got to divert
somewhere else so then they go back to
oh poor me I am I'm a binge eater and
this is why I make these videos and this
is why it's this and this is why it's
that and it's that's not fair to the
ones that do struggle that's not fair
for you to use what we suffer with as a
Tapout that's not fair to us because
here we're truly struggling and we want
the change and we're desiring that and
we're trying to change the way people
see a binge eater versus somebody that's
a Gorger it's they're so different a
Gorger is somebody that enjoys what they
do but then try to you know take the
light off of themselves when they are
feeling the heat and then they want to
go on to well I'm a binge eater and I've
been diagnosed with it you could have
been diagnosed with it I'm not saying
you can't you could have but what you're
calling binge eating disorder that has
not been Jeanie disorder that is just
you're gorging you're enjoying what
you're doing and you continue to do what
you're doing but you then you make
people like me and others out there that
struggle really truthfully struggle with
an actual eating disorder you put us to
shame you truly put us to shame and you
know I've struggled with this all day
like I struggled as do I want to make a
video about this do I really want to say
something I don't want to strike up I
don't want to strike up feathers that
you know that are making something and
bring bad things to my channel but I
feel so strong about putting this out
there and saying stop it stop using what
we suffer with to make you look good at
what you're doing to take the heat off
of your gorging and put it on a disorder
because that's not fair that is not fair
and so I just you know I know this is
just a short video but it was just
something that I just you know I guess
you could call it a rant if that's why
it you know it is maybe that is what it
is
but I just truly am struggling today
because you know some of these youtubers
that do this I've gotten close to them
hi I've gotten close to them and I truly
value them as a friend but I don't value
what they're doing and I just really
desire to make a change for the ones
that truly struggle and for them to know
that what a Gorger does is not what we
struggle with that's not us that is not
what we deal with you know we deal with
so much more when we're binging there is
such an emotional attachment to it
that the last thing you're thinking
about is let me flip my camera on and
let me talk to you while I'm shoving my
face that's not that is not a binge
eating disorder that again is you
gorging and join what you're doing but
then because you get heat then you want
to change it up and that just makes me
feel sad that you can use such a strong
word that is a very serious word and use
it so lightly to take that light off of
you and that heat off of your action and
make it into something that it truly is
not so anyways I am gonna close but I
just really I I really wanted to put
that out there that you know and I know
that most of my videos are
happy-go-lucky me and I really usually
are but this one I felt so strong about
because I just with all my heart my
heart goes out to the ones that truly
struggle with binge eating I have been
there I am there I struggle with it
every day because it's an addiction that
I have dealt with I've learned amazing
tools from my therapist on how to
do you route myself when I feel like I'm
having a binge situation coming on when
I'm under stress or when I'm sad or when
I'm looking for that friend or I'm
needing that extra just comfort that's
when I run for my bin gene but you would
never see me go and get a whole bunch of
fast food flip up my camera and start
making a video and just laughing as I'm
making the video because that's just not
it that's not it that's not where you're
out when you're been gene
like I said bin gene comes with so much
emotional attachment the last thing
you're thinking about is entertainment
because you're broken when you're
binging you're broken you have broken
down and you hit that bottom where
you're binge is the only thing that's
going to save you basically is what your
mind has told you it's not true but
that's what your mind has told you so
anyways I hope you guys are having a
wonderful Sunday and I'm thinking of
going live so I might not really 100%
sure but I wanted to get this video out
though first and let you guys know that
you know I've been watching and those
are my feelings we all have the right to
our feelings and I have the right to
share my feelings when I feel very
strong about something and like I said
I'm not doing this to draw drama or draw
any type of negativity but just really
when people use the word binge eating
please use it heavily when you're going
to use that word because it's not a joke
it's not something to play with it is
not something you want to struggle with
but if you struggle with it you know
what I'm talking about so anyways I love
each and every one of you guys thank you
again for all my new subscribers that
have joined my channel I hope you guys
are enjoying my videos and I've got a
lot
are coming so stay tuned if you haven't
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family anyways take care I'll talk to
you guys soon bye bye
